Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.