Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.