The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."