Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.