Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.