When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
