Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.