In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.