What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
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