What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
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