What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
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