Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
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