What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
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