What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
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