Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
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