What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
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