What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
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