Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?
What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
Beer.
Why did Stalin only write in lower case?
he was afraid of capitalism.
"Oh, man! A hyperbole totally ripped into this bar and destroyed EVERYTHING!"
I bought a second hand time machine the other day.
They don't make them like they're going to.
99.9% of people are idiots.
Fortunately, I belong to the 1%.
Is it solipsistic in here?
Or is it just me?
C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing but you actually mean your mother.
I was gonna tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, "Can I have a glass of H2O?" The second chemist says, "Can I have a glass of water, too?" The first chemist breaks down in tears — his assassination attempt has failed.
(He didn't say H2O2)
What's the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
An etymologist knows the difference.
The first rule of Tautology club is the first rule of Tautology club.
What's the difference between a seal and a sealion?
An electron or two.
Two behaviorists make love. When they are done, one turns to the other and says: "That was good for you. Was it good for me?"
What does the "B" stand for in Benoit B. Mandelbrot, the inventor of fractal geometry?
Benoit B. Mandelbrot
A recent finding by statisticians found that the average human has one breast and one testicle.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.
Communism jokes only work if everyone gets them.
A programmer's wife says: "Run to the store, and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
Did you hear about the suicidal homeopath? He took 1/50th of the recommended dose.
A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his pants mended. The tailor asks, "Euripides?" The professor replies, "Yes. Eumenides?"
A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, “Dry?”
The German replies, “Nein, just one.”
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association.
Statistics are like bikinis.
What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a Dutchman are all on a zoom call.
The four men are all on a zoom call with their boss. Their boss asks “Can you see me?” and they respond
“Yes”
“Oui”
“Si”
“Ja”
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now.
A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “How did you do that?”
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."
Go to BabaMail
