How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
I told my boyfriend we could watch a dirty movie for his birthday and do what we saw in the video.
He was super excited... until I screwed the pizza guy.
What do men and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tutor.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce...
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day? A Terrorwrist
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
What kind of man can you actually change?
The ones still in diapers.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
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