What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight? A power failure.
Why are men se*ier than women? You can't spell se*y without xy. Why are men like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells and don't work half the time!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
My wife left me because she thinks I'm too insecure...
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
I told my boyfriend we could watch a dirty movie for his birthday and do what we saw in the video.
He was super excited... until I screwed the pizza guy.
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
My husband said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive!
I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is... Scaring men is easy.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome which of his friends I'd choose.
I shouldn't have named two.
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
Why shouldn’t you let a man’s mind wander?
Because it’s way too little to be out all alone.
My boyfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate.
Now I have two boyfriends.
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."
A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning.
No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
How come it’s so hard to make a fool out of a man?
Because most of them are the DIY type in that way.
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
What do you give a man with everything? Penicillin.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
Older women to her friend about remarrying, “When I pass away I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.”
Why do women take baths to relax?
Because it's too hard to drink wine in the shower.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
Go to BabaMail
