How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two - if you slice them very thinly.
What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day? A Terrorwrist
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine - I only get better with age.
The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
Why shouldn’t you let a man’s mind wander?
Because it’s way too little to be out all alone.
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth? A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
“Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”
A third-grade teacher is getting to know her pupils on the first day of school.
She turns to one little girl and says, ‘And what does your daddy do?’
The girl replies, ‘Whatever Mummy tells him to.’
Older women to her friend about remarrying, “When I pass away I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.”
My wife left me because she thinks I'm too insecure...
No, wait, she's back. She was just making a cup of tea.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
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