Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
What makes a man think about a dinner by candlelight? A power failure.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football game.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
What do men and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two - if you slice them very thinly.
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
Why are men se*ier than women? You can't spell se*y without xy. Why are men like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells and don't work half the time!
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? Big Foot has been spotted several times.
What's the best way to force a male to do sit ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day? A Terrorwrist
Why do women take baths to relax?
Because it's too hard to drink wine in the shower.
Why do men get their great ideas in bed? Because their plugged into a genius!
Older women to her friend about remarrying, “When I pass away I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.”
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
A third-grade teacher is getting to know her pupils on the first day of school.
She turns to one little girl and says, ‘And what does your daddy do?’
The girl replies, ‘Whatever Mummy tells him to.’
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
Love is blind.
Marrying a man, on the other hand, is a real eye opener.
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
What are a married man's two greatest assets? A closed mouth and an open wallet.
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."
A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
How are splinters better than a man?
Splinters are a pain, but they go away eventually.
Husband: "Want a quickie?"
Wife: "As opposed to what?"
Why did Dorothy get lost on her way to the Emerald City? Becuase she was being led by three boys
What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tutor.
A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
What’s the difference between a knife and an argumentative man?
A knife has a point.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.