It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
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