It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
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