It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
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