It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
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