It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
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