It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
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