It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
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