It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
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