If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
A frog says, "Ribbit, Ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, Rub it".
I found a pen that writes underwater.
It writes other words too.
How to determine the gender of your cat?
pour some milk in a bowl and place it next to the cat, if she drinks it, your cat is a female, but if he drinks it, the cat is a male
I can't stand stair lifts.
They drive me up the wall!
What type of magazines do cows read?
Cattlelogs.
Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's round table?
Sir Cumference.
Why do Norwegians build their own tables?
No Ikea!
Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
Which side of a deer has the best meat?
The inside.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
Why did the coffee go to the police?
It got mugged.
My wife screamed in pain during labor.
I asked, “What’s wrong?”.
She screamed. “These contractions are killing me!!”
“I am sorry, honey.” I replied. “What is wrong?”
One of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported.
We don't have Oleg to stand on.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.
It's a complete rip-off.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."
That was the punchline.
What are bald sea captains most worried about?
Cap sizes.
I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and I thought to myself...
Wow, this is ledge ‘n dairy.
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.
But I will recover.
Last night, I had a dream that I was a muffler.
I woke up exhausted.
What do you call a horse that moves around a lot?
Unstable.
What is E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
Go to BabaMail
