Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
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