Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
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