When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
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