Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
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