Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
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