Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
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