What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
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