Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
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