Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
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