When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
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