The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
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