Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
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