A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
A blond was taking helicopter lessons.
The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great.
At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground.
The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blond said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
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