What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.