What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.