What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
