If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
