How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.