How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.