A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me."
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?"
The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
When would you want a man's company? When he owns it.
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
If February is Black History Month and March is Women’s History Month, what happens the rest of the year?
Discrimination.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because like all men, they won't stop to ask directions.
Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A. It changes their DNA.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
Ice hockey is basically just guys wearing knife shoes fighting each other with long sticks for the last Oreo.
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phones home.
What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like intellectual companionship.