Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize an egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
Where does a mansplainer get his water?
From a well, actually.
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
What do men and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
How do you drive a man crazy? A. Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?
A man will actually look for a golf ball.
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
Love is blind.
Marrying a man, on the other hand, is a real eye opener.
How many knees do men really have? 3 - right knee, left knee and their wee-knee.
Why do some guys have Red Eyes after se*? Mace.
Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
Three words to ruin a man's ego... "Is it in?"
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
What do you call a Guy who Masterbates more than twice a day? A Terrorwrist
Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A. It changes their DNA.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!
Why do doctors slap babies' bums right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
My husband said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
Why do only 10 percent of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
Don't break a man's heart; they only have one. Break their bones. They have over 200 of them.
What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
How is a man like a gun?
Keep one around long enough, and you’ll definitely want to shoot him.
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football game.
My husband asked why I never blink during se*.
I told him I didn’t have time to.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome which of his friends I'd choose.
I shouldn't have named two.
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.
If February is Black History Month and March is Women’s History Month, what happens the rest of the year?
Discrimination.
Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
Why shouldn’t you let a man’s mind wander?
Because it’s way too little to be out all alone.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
Older women to her friend about remarrying, “When I pass away I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.”
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.