It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.