It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
