It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.