It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.