It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.