It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.