There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
