Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.