Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.