Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.