When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.