Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.