Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.