Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
Parenting is like playing chess.
I don't know how to play chess.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
What’s the one thing in life you can always count on? A calculator.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
Helium walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Plus, baristas never, ever get it right.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
You know what they say? Words.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."