I think haikus suck.
Has to be five seven five.
Who came up with this?
Girl sat on a swing.
Trying to sing a song for god.
Missing him, not me.
Pursuing phantoms
Came in the night
From hells realm
Making me take flight
I was so mortally scared
I needed a Bracer
And I quickly followed it
With a Chaser
Though spirituous liquors’
Have their merits
They were no defence
Against evil spirits
- Paul Curtis
I see you driving
Round town with the girl I love
and I’m like Haiku.
How many light bulbs
Does it take to screw a shrink?
Oh, got it backwards.
What's wrong with these people tonight?
They're screaming I gave them a fright.
"A black cat!" they shriek,
but only last week
they held me; I purred with delight.
These neighborhood kids are so weird.
On Halloween night I am feared.
The rest of the time,
my life is sublime.
To all of them, I've been endeared.
It soon will be November First,
and I'll be no longer accursed.
I'll hear, "Look at that,
a beautiful cat!"
Man! Halloween night is the worst.
- Janice Canerdy
A Haiku about getting out of bed:
No No No No No
No No No No No No No
No No No No No
Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they don't make sense.
University.
I'm much funnier.
when I am drunk off my butt.
sadly, I'm sober.
Advice for those in,
a difficult position.
First, be flexible.
My cow gives less milk,
now that it has been eaten,
by a fierce dragon.
Fat man sees small door,
he knows he cannot fit through,
tears flow free now.
I sat on the pin.
It did not give me a grin.
Buy some marmalade.
It was Halloween and
We were on our way to a party
They were both dressed as vampires
And I was Professor Moriarty
We stopped at the supermarket
But didn’t have any cash
So we thought we’d steal some booze
Then make a dash
The bottles we wanted
Were on the very top of the racks
Which we couldn’t reach
So I had to stand on their backs
Once I had the bottles
Dracula hid them under his cape
And without drawing attention
We casually made our escape
But we were caught on CCTV
A very clear image by all accounts
I was charged with shoplifting
On two counts.
- Paul Curtis
Is everything wrong?
Are you the only one right?
Time to see a shrink.
Expand your mind. Get
To work. Better yet, put your
Feet up. Watch TV.
My next door neighbor is a witch,
And she lives way down in a ditch.
Her clothing is a little strange,
Because she never wants to change.
She has a black robe and a black hat,
Green skin and a smelly black cat.
A big fat wart grows on her nose,
And seventeen pimples on her toes.
But...her food is EVEN worse,
Because she eats it course by course.
Her first course is seven dead bats,
Laid on top of seven rats.
Then she has twenty flies
With lots and lots of llama eyes.
Her main course is a horrible soup,
Because it's made with doggie poop.
But worst of all is her dessert.
It's little children rolled in dirt.
Last night she had a witch's feast
And turned into a greedy beast.
I think she cooked my best friend Tilly
And ate her with some peas and broccoli.
- by Samiya Vallee
A village somewhere in the Midlands
Was harassed by a bodiless dead man,
But sans charger or steed,
How could they, indeed,
Be afraid of a lone horseless headman?
- Jim Slaughter
The rule for today.
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.
Ask for opinions.
Mull it over. Then you can.
Just do what you want.
Haikus confuse me
Too often they make no sense
hand me the pliers.
Row row row your boat.
Rowing gently down the stream.
Life is so extreme.
This is the story of Casper Levenes,
A boy quite addicted to Heinz Spicy Beanz,
They boiled in his gut, fermented in his tum,
Then as a foul vapour they exited his bum.
His brothers said, Casper, that stench is quite vile,
Then they clubbed him with chair legs and said with great bile,
You're the smelliest human who's walked on this earth,
And really you should have been put down at birth.
As he fell to the ground he let out his last fart,
I'll never forget, in my death, your great part,
And when the church clock strikes midnight each night,
The brothers do quiver and shiver with fright.
For a stench that's quite eerie and reeks of the pit,
Pervades all their bedrooms and lounges and shit,
And they say to each other, that stink is the most,
It's our dead brother Casper, the flatulent ghost.
- Max Scratchman
I knew this gambler.
He bet it all on a bluff.
He is now homeless.
I think my chickens are possessed
My wife is very much distressed
Their feathers are all dishevelled
And the eggs they lay are devilled
- Paul Curtis
Help, me I am trapped
In a haiku factory
save me, before they
As the birds fly south
I make reservations to
Go to Florida.
Go to BabaMail
