I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Q: Why was the cloud not allowed to cross the border?
A: Because it was a for-rainer
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
That crazy little sun of a beach.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
Seas the day.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
The ocean made me salty.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks