How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
Never forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don't want to take them for granite.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Beach, please.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.