There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful. Like, it really Hertz"
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
Why couldn’t anyone get a job at the ice rink?
There was a hiring freeze.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
I tried to catch the fog.
But I mist.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.