What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.