I had a rainbow for lunch. I'm trying to eat light.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Q: Why do windmills love loud, heavy rock music?
A: They’re metal fans.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
Sorry, I'm octopied.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants