What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
Did you hear about the cows struck by lightning?
They were completely cattletonic!
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.