How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
Seas the day.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.