What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Shell yeah.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
That crazy little sun of a beach.
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
I can sea clearly now.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.