Are you squiding me right now?
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
It was cold hard cash.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
What do you call the people that you eat grass and produce milk alongside?
Cow-workers!
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
What do you call a snowman that tells tall tales?
A snow-fake!
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
What did the husband say when his wife told him he bought the wrong flowers?
"Oopsie daisy!"
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.