It started raining coins outside today.
I guess it’s just climate change.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
Q: What did the leaf say to the wind?
A: You really blew me away.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.